ALL HAIL THE ALGORITHM

Blog     noun

/blɒɡ/

A regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style.

           …Or at least according to Google. I’ll do my best to fit the criteria. ‘Informal’ sounds good to me though updates may be more sporadic than regular, what with the inevitable spanners life throws into the works. Not being so presumptuous as to redefine the term, my plan was to create an e-space to catalogue observations, half-baked ideas, and the odd university essay that might conceivably interest somebody more than it did my undergrad tutors. It would be home for those documents scattered on memory sticks, notes scrawled on the back of envelopes, forgotten scraps stashed in dusty paperbacks. The perfectionist in me went into a post-degree quest for order and a reference of writings produced whilst in education struck me as a useful tool for writing still to be done, however banal and botched it might turn out to be. The thought of recording highlights from the past few years of learning, travelling, talking to people, and screwing up along the way was, and remains, appealing.

But this conceptual carrot alone isn’t enough to get me going: I can be a stubborn creature and sometimes it takes the stick to whip me into action. This used to be my tutor breathing down my neck to get my essay in by Wednesday lunch, or a lesson that must be planned tonight if I’m to have any chance persuading a class of French teens that there’s more to English than telling me you like to watch movies and eat pizza with your friends (I don’t care). It occurred to me that the public element of a blog might give me the creative kick I need. Sure, there’s a touch of vanity in the hope that people might actually take the time to sift through my spiel. But then vanity is often the root of grand schemes… and spectacular failures. For now I’ll keep as motivation the thought that just maybe distant acquaintances, far-off family, and (god forbid) future employers might now be reading and raising eyebrows – if only in a moment of unusual boredom.

On reflection, I might have got a little over-excited to have finally found a place to gather second-rate essays, rejected articles, perhaps even Valentines’ messages I didn’t have the balls to send. It is now obvious that making the content of this site available to anyone will entail a selection process intended to safeguard prospective browsers from the worst of whatever it is I’ve typed up. Then again, this is the Internet and who doesn’t take advantage the online space to paint themselves in a more flattering light? So whilst this isn’t the digital scrapbook I first had in mind, I hope you appreciate my efforts to spare you the most puerile, fatuous, and hare-brained fragments of imagination. Under such circumstances I can promise nothing more than mediocrity. But if it all becomes too much, someone has surely by now relayed Boris’ latest blunder to whichever social network clicks your mouse:

facebook.com/pg/Memehubcentral

instagram.com/boris.blogoffical

twitter.com/borisjohnson

To those still here, Godspeed intrepid internautes!